So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” | 1 Peter 5:1-5
At church last Sunday, I was informed that another pastor had committed suicide.* While these aren’t highly publicized (mainly because of the desire of families to honor privacy), those of us who know a lot of pastors have gotten used to hearing about this. Depression rates and people quitting the ministry has become common. The not-so-secret reality among those in ministry is that the emotional burden of pastoring the church has become a weight many struggle to carry.
I was talking to another pastor this week and he asked: has it always been like this? Are we more emotional frail than the generations before us, or is there something about the 21st century church that is creating this? The answer to this is layered; it is probably a little bit of both. I want to focus the rest of this blog on some of the changes in church and society that has turned the volume up on the stress of being a pastor. As I do, you will see that there is overlap with many other vocations; many of these are cultural shifts that have an effect on everyone. I want to acknowledge how each of these are unique to the role of pastoring a church.
1. The expectations on the responsible is increasing.
One of the things that the Bible makes clear is that pastors are just people who God has equipped and called to lead His church. The rest of the people in the church are called to do their part, as members of the body: joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love | Ephesians 4:16. The health of the church is the responsibility of everyone in the community doing their part.
Something interesting has happened in our society, in which those in positions of leadership have an increasing level of responsibility, while those who are members of the society are gaining a greater freedom from expectation. Without the statistics to back up such a claim, let me instead point to another place we see this: schools. Every year, new needs are presented to teachers as theirs to address. Teachers are burning out (or demoralizing) due to increased expectations to mentor and care for undisciplined kids, while less and less is put back on their parents. We accept this because there is no way to make parents change, while teachers can have performance tied to their job description.
In the case of pastors, there is an additional wrinkle: they don’t necessarily have a specific job description, or a definitive boss. Instead, they are held accountable to a church full of people, who all have different expectations of them. This increasing, semi-undefined expectation, which a pastor is held to by every member of the congregation in a different way, can become a like navigating a minefield. The pastor is continually letting people down, without always knowing if this letdown was part of his job in the first place.
The solution to this is to have a very clear idea of what the pastoral role is and to do it to the best of your ability without the responsibility reflecting back as failure.
2. Comparison goes well beyond the Joneses.
Many people think of pastors primarily as preachers. Even those who do not, generally measure the quality of the pastor on how well they exposit the word on Sundays. This simplification of the pastoral role becomes especially problematic when it comes to comparing pastors. Anyone in the church can go online and listen to hundreds of different preachers speak on the same text you preach from on Sunday (I had one member who did this and then let me know what I missed based on his other listening).
Pastors are constantly being compared with numerous pastors who are better speakers than they are. People in their congregation can read books and blogs about how pastors can preach and lead better and how every little detail in the church should function. It leaves much of the congregation with a feeling that their pastor does not measure up (this is a great article addressing this very issue). Before I was a pastor, I never had people outside of my profession telling me how to do my job; now it happens weekly.
The solution to this is for pastors to have an understanding of what their human limitations are. This allows pastors to lead in their weaknesses, seeing what God is doing in their inability, not just how they aren’t measuring up.
3. The awareness of need has grown exponentially.
Another thing that the world-wide interweb has done is put massive amounts of information directly in front of us at all times. Pastors (and people) of previous generations did not know what was going on all over the world. They were not faced with the suffering of the third-world, or the displaced people in Syria, or even the opioid epidemic of the Midwest. There are good things about expanding information, there is also a burden to knowing so much (and carrying this weight), especially for those tasked with bringing light and hope to the world.
Pastors also have to lead and guide others through this world. People want to know what a pastor thinks about the newest movie, political situation, financial giving of chicken franchises, or Kanye’s faith. To be able to answer these questions, a pastor HAS to keep up. The drive to stay informed takes away from the rest, prayer, and time in the Word necessary to pastor well.
The solution is for pastors to spend more time pressing into the hope and answer than the need and questions. The more they know Christ and are assured of His goodness, the more weight they can carry (knowing that they aren’t really carrying it at all).
4. The immediate needs have become ‘unsolvable.’
The issue of needs goes beyond the massive amount of universal problems, it is also that the issues being brought to a pastor’s doorstep are more and more complicated. Pastor’s are being asked to counsel and deal with more and more people suffering from mental struggles and substance addiction. When a person comes to the church needing physical needs, the church can find an answer. When the issues are lifelong internal battles, it is a bit more difficult. There is often very little the pastor can do, but be there, which can feel like it is not enough. Walking with person after person who loses these battles, can leave a pastor disheartened, wondering if it is all worth it.
The solution is for pastors to recognize that they cannot rescue anyone. It is not their job to save people from their situations. In some instances, God uses them as part of a much larger process of helping someone recover from the results of sin. This should not be expected.
5. The space to ‘turn off’ has been infiltrated.
This final one is the biggest issue for all people in a connected age. We need time to rest. Our brains need time off. We need to be able to get away from the pressures and to focus on that which is right on front of us. We need to have time away from phones, social media, and electronics.
I am not talking about pampering yourself. The buzz phrase over the last few years has been ‘self care,’ but that usually means taking time to put yourself first. More than that, we need down time. God designed this into creation with day/night and with one day in seven for rest. We are not honoring our biology when we keep ourselves synthetically connected to everyone at all times.
The solution to this is to create a strategy to find time away. Some people do this much more naturally than others. We all need to be refreshing ourselves, not just by doing those things which fill us up, but by distancing ourselves regularly from that which drains us.
The truth is, much of what pastors struggle with is what those in their congregations struggle with: we don’t honor our designed limitations, we don’t practice the given means of grace, and we think too highly of ourselves and not enough of our Savior. I am concerned for the future of the church and those who lead it, but I know that the God who has called us to this great mission is greater than any obstacle put in its way. I will simply end with the second half of the section I began with:
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. | 1 Peter 5.6-11
*I do not want to imply that this most recent suicide was for the reasons mentioned here, as the reality of mental health and depression is a complicated web.