This is a guest post by Larry Byrne, pastor at Crossway Fellowship and Biblical counselor:
The last 18 months have been really hard. Some of the reasons for this are obvious: kids not going to school, having to work from home, unable to be with family and friends like you normally would, limits on church gatherings, to name just a few. Of course some have been sick, known others who were, or sadly may have died. There was a contentious presidential race, and painful racial strife. On top of that, amongst believers in Christ there have been painful, and many times unloving words expressed towards those who hold a differing perspective on any of the above issues. In our churches, there are painful reminders of this playing out as there are empty seats that were once filled with brothers and sisters who were part of our family. They are gone, and often without a goodbye.
This, and so much more, contributes to incredible personal and corporate loss. What are we to do with this? We could ignore it, and just move on. After all, our hope is in Christ, and our home is not this world. But in order for us to truly move on, we must acknowledge the reality of our losses, and plead with God that he would heal these very real wounds.
Now some ask, is this Biblical, or just some psychobabble?
We take my lead from the Psalms, where the writers often lament before God about their circumstances; look at Psalm 6, or 13 or 42, for example. What a blessing that we don’t know specific details of what they are going through, but instead we can join them as they pour out their hearts before him (Psalm 62:8). Still, to what end? Or what does it really matter? After all, it doesn’t do us any good to just moan and groan. Doesn’t God call us to keep our eyes on him and not ourselves?
To the final question, the answer is: YES. If there is anything that draws us away from God, we need to prayerfully ask God to redirect our ‘focus’ from ourselves to Him. But our struggles can actually be a means by which He redirects us. We need to examine what we are doing with all the losses in our life: are we burying them, trying to just forget and move on, or are we acknowledging the struggles before God, and pleading with him to give us the strength to move on?
It will help if we are able to do this with one another. There is something so comforting to hear brothers and sisters talk about what have been the challenges they have faced. Many times they will put words to things you were thinking / feeling, but hadn’t been able to verbalize. As well, there can be a collective sigh when we recognize we aren’t alone in walking through really crazy times. This is more than just ‘misery loves company;’ this is the body of Christ weeping with those who weep as we have been directed to do. There is a great joy and comfort in grieving together and knowing that we are all experiencing the anticipation of redemption as those who are longing to put on our heavenly dwelling (2 Corinthians 5:2). Lament is not the end, but a means to it.
Grief acts as a cloud that makes it impossible for us to see the truth. If we are unwilling to acknowledge it, we live in a haze, and the goodness and grace of Christ loses its beauty. Many of us are experiencing this right now. The events and moments that used to bring joy, now fall flat. It isn’t because they have changed, but because we have. The weight of loss is changing how we see everything.
For many, it is hard to acknowledge this because it hasn’t hit in a single event, but through a barrage of small losses. There isn’t a big problem to overcome or a traumatic moment to process, but a collection of difficult things that adds up. Those who are used to being able to deal with small losses find themselves struggling to make sense of why it all seems so hard right now. It is because most people can deal with minor difficulties by ignoring the pain and moving forward. When so many of them hit close together, you not only can’t dismiss them all, but they have a compounding effect. All of a sudden, every little struggle hits with a much greater weight. The way to be able to shed this is to face the grief and to bring it to Jesus. He calls us to this and promises relief in Matthew 11:28–29:
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
That sounds great, doesn’t it? Many ask: how do we do this? Here are three practical ways to face your losses and to bring them to Jesus:
1.Read Psalm 139:23-24 and ask God to shine light into your heart that you might see and acknowledge the losses of the last 18+ months (it may even be helpful to write them out so that you can see them).
2. Talk with a friend, or better yet several friends, and have each person identify what have been some of the hard things they have experienced during these difficult times. Use this list in your private prayer times, asking God to help you see how going through these hard things has impacted how you love Him and others. Be sure to tell at least one person what you are learning.
3. Ask yourself the question, do I really believe that Jesus is gentle and lowly in heart? What does my interaction (in prayer) with him indicate? Do I really believe that he is approachable? Take your list to Him, believing that He wants to take your burdens.
The goal is refocusing our eyes on Jesus, and growing in how we trust in Him with our whole hearts. Doing the above can set us free to respond to God’s work in our lives. This is an opportunity for our faith to grow and our love for God to be strengthened. Loss is difficult, but it invites us into a deeper relationship with Christ and His people. It doesn’t take the grief away, but it does give it purpose, as loss connects us to Christ and reminds us of His promise to heal all that is broken.
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. | Revelation 21:4