On Sunday, we looked at the connection between character and leadership. The point was that to lead in a godly way is to strive to act honorably in all situations (and let God take care of the outcomes). One of the obvious applications of this, which I left off of the table, was that of parenting. A parent is in a position of power and being a parent requires character and a view toward servant-leadership.
When I was on sabbatical, I began to outline and write a book on parenting. One of the main points is that there is not a method or technique that can substitute for character; kids will follow what you do far more than what you say. Parents are to live with integrity, not only because it creates a good environment for their children, but because they are shaping their children toward virtue (and away from vice). The added benefit of this is that it produces meaning and purpose for life. A parent has a reason to act honorably and to strive for good character and this keeps them from many pursuits that would be damaging to their lives.
I was reminded of how powerful this was when I read an article by David French that came out Sunday. It is about the struggle of the ‘unattached male.’ The current rates of drug addiction and suicide amongst men who are single or divorced are rising quickly. One of his main points is that being a husband and father gives a place for men to aim their effort, thus keeping them from other, less beneficial ways of spending their time. He puts it this way:
In other words, you’re not asking boys to reject their nature, nor are you asking them to indulge their impulses. Instead, the process of character formation shapes a young man from the inside out, to make the very best of who they are. And then, ideally, as a boy grows into a man, he connects his virtue to a sense of purpose—a calling into which he pours his energy and effort.
This is focused on boys and men in particular here, but the same goes for girls and women: we need a purpose. While parenting is not the only purpose in this world, it is a God-given one that helps to create a framework from which we can understand our other tasks and goals (this is why the qualifications of an elder include a section on how the family is ordered). This helps to keep us from being people who are swept into an ocean of meaninglessness OR are overwhelmed by the need to make meaning. To be a good parent requires moment after moment of consistent living, which both shapes the parent and the kids whom they raise. The article goes on to say:
But, at the end of the day, there is no substitute for patient, intentional, and courageous personal action, including intentionally and purposefully parenting your children, so that married dads beget married sons, and intentionally and purposefully mentoring boys without dads and reaching out to men without friends. The government can’t love a kid. A person can.
I want to reiterate a point that is made here. As God protects us from damaging and destructive actions by giving us a goal and purpose, he also empowers us to reach out to others. We are not only parents, we are also part of a community. As we see the breakdown of the family in society and the implications for the unattached, we have the opportunity to invite others in to share what we have been given. The call to parents is not just to create a healthy family that is walled off from the world, but to cultivate a character that is shared. The article ends with this:
We conservatives like to talk a great deal about personal responsibility, and often that conversation focuses on the responsibilities of the weak and vulnerable. The fatherless boy needs to work hard. He needs to stay out of trouble. Then he can succeed. He can find his purpose.
But what about the personal responsibilities of the men who’ve already found their purpose, the husbands and fathers who thrive in this land? To break cycles of despair, they should consider reaching out and extending themselves. Too many young men are wounded. Too many are dying. Too many families fail. They can’t repair themselves. Someone has to help. If we want more men to become husbands and fathers—to follow this high call—someone has to show them the way.
This is a call to recognize God’s blessing on your life and to share it with others (whether you are conservative or not). While character formation takes hard work, it is ultimately a gift from God. The integrity that you have been given does not exist for you to sit on or to use as a means to look down on others; it is to reveal God’s love. While many will reject this help, we must look for the people that God has given us to walk through this life with. The role of the church in a ‘post-Christian culture’ is to be a healthy reflection of God’s goodness, so that others can find hope in a world that offers very little. We have the tools to heal this broken world, one person at a time, but we have to take on the responsibility. Through this, we gain an even greater sense of character, purpose, and hope!