Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you. | 2 Corinthians 13:11
We finished the book of 2 Corinthians Sunday, and pastor Andrew led us through the salutation of this letter to the church in Corinth. In it, Paul gives us five imperatives to pursue as the people of God:
- Rejoice!
- Aim for restoration
- Comfort one another
- Agree with one another
- Live in peace
All of these sound great. But when you actually live in relationship with people over time, difficulties arise. There are times when people complain, rather than rejoice. People push others away, rather than taking steps towards restoration. People attack and defend rather than comfort. People argue and insult, rather than agree. People actively pursue conflict over peace.
We know that this happens, but it is much more difficult when it happens to us. It is easy to acknowledge the reality of sin, but it is not so easy when we are sinned against. In relationships, we are going to have to deal with the reality of human brokenness.
This is where the tension comes in. As Christians, we have a high standard. God has set for us an ideal for the body: a community where all members do their part to serve one another and everyone is cared for through the love of others. As a church, we teach this. We imagine it and strive for it. The reality that we experience always falls short. No matter how hard we try, people keep sabotaging God’s beautiful design.
Many people respond to the difference between what should be and what is by trying to assign blame. We find the people who we believe are sinning and keeping us from communal bliss and we attempt to fix them or get them to admit their wrongdoing (or we just attack them). When we do this, they break out a laundry list of all of the things that we have done to keep them from happiness. This back and forth fuels a fire that burns inside of us until we reach a point where we don’t even want to be in the presence of this other person. They are not only bad, but they are blind to their sin and unrepentant. Such a person can be justifiably cut out of our lives.
Or can they? The list that Paul gives to the Corinthians is not based on the conduct of the other person. It is not: aim for restoration as long as they reciprocate. Comfort one another when they deserve it. Agree with one another when they are willing to come to your point of view. Live at peace when it is easy. You wouldn’t have to be told to do these things when everything is as it should be. Instead, Paul is calling them all to take on this posture specifically because tensions exist.
I liken this to marriage. At a wedding, you take vows to love and care for the other person. I have yet to be at a wedding where the ‘as long as they do their part’ clause is included. A husband and a wife take vows that are not dependent on the other person. Their responsibility is to uphold their promise. Too often, they don’t. I know, because I do marriage counseling. When one spouse slacks on their commitments, the other one feels justified in giving up on theirs. As they sit in my office and I tell the husband that he is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church, she nods and elbows him. As I read that wives are called to submit to their husbands as to the Lord, the husband reminds her of the ways she does not live this out. The problem is, these commands are not given to hold over the other, but to be a guide. The husband should not be concerned with what the Bible calls his wife to and the wife does not need to remind the husband where he falls short. Instead, they should take seriously their part in the relationship and live it out to the best of their ability.
Which brings us back to Paul’s imperatives. Rather than reading our relationships through what others owe us or becoming angry about how we feel that they have failed us, we should ask how we can aim for restoration. Here are some questions that we can ask when faced with relational tension:
Rejoice! – What joy has this person brought to my life?
Aim for restoration – How can I take a step toward healing?
Comfort one another – What can I do to create an environment of trust and vulnerability?
Agree with one another – How can I better understand their perspective?
Live in peace – What do I need to do to keep my frustration in check?
We may not always be able to answer these questions or get past our own relational brokenness. We should do everything that we can to work through the tension to experience restoration with the people that God has put in our lives.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. | Romans 12:18