It’s been a week now since my mother passed away from complications with her pancreatic cancer. As I go through life’s difficulties and pains God often teaches me lessons. Some are expected and others are quite unpredictable. I thought it would do me some good to write them down, and I’m hoping that they are helpful to you as well.
Here are a few things I learned or relearned from my mother’s death.
- The greatest gift my mother gave me was her own faith. I say her own, not because she didn’t influence mine but because there never was a doubt for me that she believed and trusted in Jesus. In fact it was hard to have a conversation with her in which she did not bring up Jesus in some way. As I ponder this I realize what a blessing and assurance it is to me to know her faith. I can rest at ease as I mourn her loss, trusting her soul to Jesus’ mercy and love. Not only does this leave me with a legacy, but a deep sense of peace. I think that the greatest thing we can do for our children and the lives around us is to love Jesus first and foremost. This is the first and greatest commandment for a good reason.
- Loss and death are natural. But they aren’t right. Part of the horror of death is the deep down in your gut feeling that this is wrong. This feeling is more than merely an evolved trait to preserve the species as some would say, death feels more like an insult. An absurd tragedy. It feels so wrong that I have to conclude we were meant for something quite different. Something eternal.
- The absurdity of losing a loved one leads to purpose and meaning. Confronting death on a personal level, no matter whose it is, causes those around it to evaluate their life, death, and what it means. I’ve never thought so much about my own death than I have these last few weeks. This reminder and evaluation of our own lives is good! It causes us to seek (and hopefully find) meaning in life.
- Your life matters. You never really know exactly what in your life will affect people the most. This necessarily means we should do our best at everything God puts in front of us even if we don’t see the endgame. My mother took over the day to day of her church’s food and clothing closet. She simply remained steadfast and soaked it in prayer. God grew it expansively while she ran it and even though they started small it now has a delivery vehicle, support from other food banks, regular shipments, and commercial level walk in coolers. She didn’t start this ministry until her 50’s after she raised two kids, became a grandmother, worked as a teacher’s aide for years and battled cancer twice. She stuck with that ministry for fourteen years and only handed it off a few years ago. She never thought she would be remembered as the food pantry lady, but she became that and fed thousands of people.
- Grief is a monster we all must wrestle. When I say wrestle I don’t mean against, I mean through. There’s no avoiding it. Even Jesus, when confronted with the death of his friend Lazarus wept real tears. Jesus raised him from the dead moments later, but the tears weren’t fake, they were a real expression of the absurd reality of death. It hurts. I’ve been all over the map this last week from laughing with my sister over childhood memories to weeping in the middle of Kohl’s because I found a purple tie. (Purple was her favorite color and just happens to be the color for pancreatic cancer awareness) Grief is something that we may not avoid, but in Christ it can be something we experience with love, hope, and gratitude.
I’m only a week deep into this, so I know there are further lessons to go, but all of the above have shown me just a few of the ways that “All things work together for the good…”