I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” | John 16:33
One of the topics that we cover in premarital counseling is the issue of expectations. Expectations aren’t bad; we all have them. We spend time on this because our expectations shape our reality. Two people can experience the exact same thing and come away with completely different understandings of it based on what they went into it expecting. Our reality is informed by our preconceived ideas of it.
We also talk about expectations because we all come to a point where we have to deal with unmet expectations. When we are faced with life not going as planned and we have to figure out how to respond. Most people decide that their ideas are sound and that it is their situation that needs to change. They move from one thing to the next, searching for the relationship, job, trip, church, diet, or habits that will help them to reach their goals. While aspirations can be a good motivator, they can also distract us from the fact that it is us that needs to change. Our ideals are keeping us from joy and contentment.
I talked about this in my sermon in relation to discipleship. When we have a distorted view of what the Christian life is supposed to be, we get frustrated when things go exactly as God has planned. While we pray for Him to take us out of situations or to free us from trouble, it is through these tribulations that God is sanctifying us. As Jesus promises us in the verse at the top:
in the world you will have tribulation.
Jesus is not just telling His disciples that the world is a hard place that is bent against God, but also that we are broken. In order to be made right, God is going to have to discipline us. When the Bible tells us that God disciplines those He loves, it is not just talking about punishment, but the kind of discipline we put our body through when we exercise. The process of being shaped by difficulty.
God is not a masochist, simply putting His people through pain. He is doing this to bring all of our relationships into balance. He is leading us toward true peace. As people who are sinful, we need to be broken in order to be healed. As we sometimes sing at church:
Take us, O Lord
And all we have known
Shape us, O Lord
And form us into Your own
Take ev’ry heart and know ev’ry sin
Break us, O Lord
That we may be whole again
When we expect this, then we can face the tribulations that life brings, not just as frustrations to overcome or avoid, but as the tools of a heavenly Father to lead us to spiritual maturity. I had a conversation with a member of our church this morning who was talking about some of the difficult things she had faced over the last few years. Then she said:
I guess God knew exactly what I needed to know Him more.
If you take that perspective on life, seeing even the challenges of life as ways that God is pouring His grace out on you, not only will every part of life be filled with meaning, but it will be good. Not because every moment is what we wanted; tribulations are not fun. If they are part of the process that God is using to shape us and make us more like Christ, then they are glorious.
In order to hold on to this, we need to trust that God really is working all things together for good for those that love Him. Which is why Jesus gives us the confirmation that He has overcome the world. Not will overcome it. In His life, death, and resurrection, He defeated Satan, sin, and death and declared Himself the victor. The gospel is there for us to focus on and take heart in, sure that the same God who turned death into life will also work in our lives to bring us to peace.
We can’t stop ourselves from having expectations for this life. What we can do is learn how to respond to them as Christians. When our expectations include both tribulation and the final consummation, it allows us to face whatever may come with courage and hope.