Come and see what God has done:
he is awesome in his deeds toward the children of man. | Psalm 66:5
“Sometimes when I don’t know what is going on and I’m unsure what the next season will bring, I look back at what the Lord has done in my life. I see how he brought Andrew and me together, how we came to Washington, how he brought us through hardships, and all the ways he provided down to the tiniest details.”
These powerful reminders are reassurance that the same God who has provided in the past will keep providing in the future.
“I remember the first time I met Andrew. I was 16 and pretty naive. I felt a bit intimidated by him and was very unaware of some of the choices he was making at the time. Our first date was on his 19th birthday and after that we were pretty inseparable. We were getting to know each other and during this time, he was not walking with the Lord.”
Nicole’s voice broke and her expression softened. Her eyes filled with tears. You could hear the love in what she said next, “It’s hard to explain but it’s like I saw the man he was meant to be all along. It was as if God were showing me who Andrew really was.”
Now they have been married 20 years, together for 23. Andrew often says Nicole’s faith and walk was the means by which the Lord drew him back. “It really wasn’t anything I was doing though,” Nicole explains, ”it was God who was orchestrating it all. I was a believer but I didn’t have a deep, personal faith just yet. I was raised in the church and felt guilt and the weight of sin, but it had yet to really become personal and transformative.”
They started to attend church after they were married. Nicole remembers Andrew flipping through the Bible during worship, not terribly engaged but she was happy he was looking at scripture, at least.
Then Chloe, their first child, was born. It was a major turning point in their lives. They began to feel a calling, a deeper meaning to their lives they never felt before. During this time Nicole’s grandmother died and they went to her memorial in Oregon. This was the first time they felt an attraction to possibly moving to the northwest.
“The Lord would spend the next ten years growing us. Andrew felt called to volunteer in church ministry and would accept a full time pastoral position.” Meanwhile, Issac, Abi, and Asher were born.
Problems began to present themselves in Andrew’s pastoral position. They felt the Lord was pointing to change. Andrew had worked in Haiti on a mission trip so they considered the mission field. But they didn’t know what the next season would bring.
“For about 18 months Andrew had been working in a heating/cooling job and we were very open to moving. At the time we were thinking more about the Florence, Oregon area, near my grandfather, but the United Methodist Church in Mount Vernon wanted to interview him. The funny thing is, I prayed about a laundry list of specifics to make sure the Lord was leading us there.”
Nicole chuckled remembering her laundry list. “Specific details like at least two job offers in area outside ministry, certain income parameters, not only a place to live but specifications of the house, down to a dog outside! Within 24 hours of his interview, every item on my list was checked off!”
The Lord confirmed the path but this did not mean it would be smooth sailing. The actual move to their place in Big Lake was filled with stress and roadblocks. Nicole’s grandfather had a heart attack during this time, there was family illness during the move. It was one challenge after another. Even after settling into their new life in Washington, it was clear fairly quickly that the ministry job was not the fit they had hoped it would be. The Lord had made it clear the move was his will, but this ministry job was not working out. What would that mean?
Then the Lord orchestrated another meeting: Andrew, Jim, Derek, and Garrett at Ristretto in 2014. This meeting would lead to many discussions, growing friendships, and an eventual move to Communion Church.
The past couple years have been filled with blessings and changes for Nicole. They moved to Washington when their youngest son, Asher, was around two. For years Nicole had the full time job of homeschooling all four children. Now that the kids are older, they have transitioned to a private school. For a time Nicole worked two jobs: Big Lake Grocery and Family Promise, plus the daily responsibilities of taking care of her family.
Reflecting on transitions and big changes led Nicole to share something many people wouldn’t know, “My whole life to some degree, I have dealt with the ebb and flow of anxiety and depression. During our move it worsened. Looking back I remember how things felt so hard, dark and no one knew what I was feeling because I didn’t let them know.”
But the Lord would bless Nicole with unexpected help. She went to the doctor for something unrelated to anxiety and depression. “I remember the doctor visiting with me and I just mentioned the anxiety/depression in passing. She looked up and said, ‘We need to talk about THIS.’ It was the first time I was ever able to explore anxiety/depression from a medical perspective with my doctor.”
Nicole sees this as a gracious gift of the Lord. “I could not have spent time learning to address this problem when my children were really young. There’s just no way. It’s hard to believe I was 35 years old when I was officially diagnosed. How had no doctor in all my past seen this? It really was the Lord’s perfect timing.”
“I am so grateful now that I can help others who struggle in this way. By its very nature, anxiety/depression is isolating and causes deep feelings of shame, further feeding the isolation. The Lord also used this struggle to teach me more about myself and my true deep need for him. I had long viewed myself as basically good. I had struggled with feeling loved by God but I also didn’t feel like I was all that bad…there was that tension. The struggle with anxiety/depression allowed me to feel my deep need for God in a way I had not felt before.”
The struggle continues, but now she has a better understanding of how to address it. She sees the ways the Lord works through coping with it. She is better equipped and more mature in her relationship with the Lord. “Day to day, I still struggle with anxiety, but the difference is I know how much I am loved and provided for in all the ways he is working in my life. I’m thankful now to be in a place where I can help and encourage others.”
Andrew’s first sermon at our church in Arizona was about “fields ripe for the harvest”. Nicole remembers it well, “I sat watching him preach and just cried. God had shown me long ago the man Andrew really was. I always knew. Now everyone could see what I had seen all along. It was God fulfilling his promise.”
Nicole’s life is an invitation for us to look back and see all that the Lord has done. To marvel. To stand in awe. To delight in him. To hope in him. And to see how awesome are his deeds to the children of man.